No One Ever Said Being a Woman Was Easy

A friend of mine recently attended a Beyoncé concert. Judging from Instagram, it was awesome. But getting ready to go that afternoon, she wondered "What do I wear?" And I had to stop myself from repyling, "Who cares? All Beyoncé ever wears is bathing suits." I didn't say it, because this was Instagram, not a private chat, and I am not a troll. But the point stands.

See, I spend a lot of time in bathing suits, so I know what they look like. Specifically, for women, they default to triangular bottoms -- just like Bey's bodysuits. Bottoms that force the question of ladyscaping.*

I wear a bathing suit because I am swimming laps and these are articles of clothing that are specifically designed to meet the needs of a person doing exactly that thing. Wearing anything else would be uncomfortable and illogical, in addition to being against pool rules. I have no issues with wearing a bathing suit because I have no issues with my body, and anyway when you're actively doing a sport you rapidly forget what you look like and start caring a lot more about what you can do. Anyway, no one can really see you in the water.

So I have a triangular-bottomed bathing suit. I am in the process of switching back to my preferred boy-short style. We won't go into the details. But my problem is that although yes, boyshorts exist, they are hard to find and expensive. They are not, again, the default. To wear boyshorts is to actively decide to seek out boyshorts, to go against the grain, to rebel. And there are times when I want to rebel, but just buying a goddam swimsuit so I can hop in the pool on my lunch break isn't necessarily one of them. At the very least I want my rebellion to be convenient, cheap, and come in a wider variety of colorways.

Thus I have a hard time understanding why Beyoncé would choose, as her stagewear, almost universally nothing but triangular bottoms. I wonder about her (and Madonna these days, frankly) the same way I wonder about any dude who wears a speedo: WHY. You have so many other great options, why on earth would you choose this one?


* I know ladyscaping is not a word. And yet manscaping kind of is. Which only goes to show that if a man does it, it's news; if a woman does it, she just has to bloody do it and shut up about it. Bring on the sharp objects and molten wax.

RECIPE: Roasted Carrot & Avocado Salad. I didn't used to get really into salads, but it turns out that if they're not 95% lettuce, they're actually really good. As is roasting your carrots.