Red Hook is the Land Time Forgot. Even as distilleries and raw chocolate artisans and cocktail bars continue to pop up, and even with the presence of Ikea and Fairway, the extremely limited public transportation keeps it just a little slower, a little more relaxed. It's like a tiny corner of New Orleans in NY. (Insofar as that's possible, which isn't very, but still. As close as we get.)
Half the time, all I do is ride to the end of Valentino Pier, or the one behind Fairway, and stare at the water. For cheap, very local thrills, you could do a lot worse. The waves lap, boats go by, the Statue of Liberty stands.
...That said, there's plenty to actually do, so long as you have an interest in food, drink, entertainment, or art.
Food
Every weekend, Spring, Summer, and Fall, the vendors park around the southeast corner of the Bay St/Clinton St intersection. There are tamales, pupusas, cemitas, tacos, fresh juices... All of the trucks are good; none are expensive. My personal favorite -- and one of the few things I actively, specifically crave, is the barbacoa de chivo cemita from the white truck furthest south on Clinton St. They do taco versions too, and a few other things, but something about this cemita is just so perfectly balanced. I can't resist. Though I will often accompany it with a watermelon juice from the truck furthest west on Bay, and then pick up some tamales from the somewhat shabbier truck furthest east. (They freeze and steam up very well.)
Hometown BBQ also deserves a mention, but be warned: The line can be long, and by the time you get to the front there may be very little meat left. This is especially worrisome because the beef rib is so good, and you don't want to have to settle for the smoked turkey -- which I guess is fine and all, as smoked turkey goes, but I just don't get very excited about cold cuts. If you've planned poorly though, you can always comfort yourself with the bloody mary, which comes garnished with crispy, carmelized bacon. As for the rest: sides are as expected, which is to say: good to have on the side, but uninspiring. The usual bbq story. Only Fette Sau's beans are worth it all by themselves.
The Good Fork. Full disclosure: I haven't been here in several years, but last I checked it was a very fine, intimate restaurant, worthy of a special date night.
Steve's Authentic Key Lime Pies: What is says. None of that meringue nonsense. Though I'd recommend skipping the regular ol' pie and going for a swingle. This is a chocolate-dipped, frozen pie, and it comes in three flavors, all of which balance each other well if you have enough people to share.
Thai. I've talked about the Thai places before. Either way, quality food that's not just pad thai with damp, tough chicken strips.
The Red Hook Lobster Pound. I'll admit, after eating lobster rolls in Connecticut and Maine, it's hard to get it up for rolls in NY; they're twice the price, with half the lobster. So usually what I do is buy the meat from RHLP, bring it over to my friend L's, and then we make our own damn lobster rolls. It's still not the cheapest meal in town, but it makes the experience cost-effective enough for our purposes. Which isn't to say that RHLP doesn't make good lobster rolls. I've also heard excellent things about their lobster mac n' cheese.
Baked! For all your coffeeshop, very-Brooklyny baked goods. (Think chocolate, salted caramel, pretzels, peanut butter.)
Drink
Fort Defiance serves the best Irish coffee I've ever had. Actually, until I had it here, I didn't really understand that Irish coffee could even be a thing. It's just coffee with some whiskey, right? If you, also, don't understand, then please go to Fort Defiance and drink until you do. They also have a Thursday tiki night.
If FD didn't cure your cocktail craving, or you're making a day of it, or you prefer airy to cosy, head to Botanica.
And then when you're tired of cocktails and it's hot and you just want to sit in someone's back yard and drink $2 Miller High Lifes (with lemon) and eat 2/$5 pulled pork sandwiches with sweet potato fries and chipotle mayo... Ice House was the first bar I ever went to in Red Hook, and I've been back innumerable times since. It's the definition of a lazy summer afternoon.
Brooklyn Crab. I'm putting this under drink, rather than food, because the food is crap. However. If you want a deck to watch the sun set over the water (and the Fairway parking lot), washed down with a few Narragansetts, it will serve. And the oysters are probably fine?
Whiskey & Chocolate
Widow Jane & Cacao Prieto: Whiskey, rye, bourbon, rum, liqueur, and chocolate. With some fancy chickens running around the courtyard.
Van Brunt Stillhouse: Whiskey, rum, grappa, and moonshine.
Raaka: Chocolate.
All offer tours and tastings. It is an extremely pleasant way to spend an afternoon.
Art
There's nothing better than taking in a bit of art when you're more than one sheet to the wind. Pioneer Works screens movies, hangs art on its walls, and puts on performance pieces. As with any contemporary gallery, this is all very hit and miss, but even the biggest miss can be very entertaining after a few whiskey tastings.
The Robotic Church is only open every once in a while. Sign up with Atlas Obscura, and they should keep you in the loop (with plenty of other things too). It's an odd, slightly scary performance, which they cap off with a tour of the space. An ideal event for weeding out potentially questionable dates.
Red Hook also has a variety of galleries and other art spaces. Stroll the length of Van Brunt (or at least from the Lobster Pound all the way down the pier) and you'll hit a good number.
Et cetera
Hope & Anchor does karaoke every Friday and Saturday, starting at 9. It's my second-favorite karaoke in the city (after Baby Grand). Unless it's taken over by one of those all-girl birthday parties where they never sing in groups smaller than five, usually to Katy Perry or whatever, it's a great scene. (I'm not saying you can't eat here, but why would you? I mean I have, several times, but only the breakfast items are not disappointing.)
During the summer, there's a film series at Valentino Park. Bring a blanket and bug spray, stock up on snacks at Fairway, and settle in. It's the Land Time Forgot, remember, so it never gets nearly as crowded as the other outdoor movies.
Rocky Sullivan's has a quiz night every Thursday at 8.
The pool is open every summer. Free.
MAP
RECIPE: Coconut Layer Cake, even though I've only ever made the cake part, not the frosting. It's my standard white cake recipe, because it doesn't taste strongly coconutty, just nicely sweet and moist.
