I like having rules. Not other people’s; my own. Other people’s rules are restrictive, impersonal, arbitrary; mine are born of experience, designed to save me from regret and recriminations. When in doubt – I don’t have to be in doubt; there’s a rule for that.

Rule 1:
If you’re wondering whether or not you should pee, go pee.

Rule 2:
If you don’t know whose turn it is: it’s yours.

Rule 3:
Always toast your nuts. I don’t care what the recipe says. And double the cinnamon.

Rule 4:
Never get the soft serve. It is always disappointing, even with the chocolate shell/sprinkles.

Rule 5:
If you want to keep something secret, don’t leave it lying around.

Rule 6:
Do not underestimate children. Do not underestimate girls. Trust your Boop.

Rule 7:
You never regret going for a swim. I know it’s a faff. Do it anyway.

Recipe: I'm not vegan but that doesn't mean I can't eat Vegan Mushroom Tantanmen.