#$%^(&*

Clarion Alley, SF

I have nothing against protecting children. It's nice, isn't it, to believe in things like Santa Claus, and that "The good guys are always stalwart and true; the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies and everybody lives happily ever after." We'd all like to live in that world if we could.

But I find it odd when the notion of childhood innocence is extended to the realm of language. Introduce a child to the vicinity of a conversation and suddenly the adults, with shrugs and guilty looks, will all self-consciously start using words like "fudge," "sugar," and "goldarnit."

Why?

As far as a kid is concerned, all words are equal. They're just sounds, noises to indicate objects or thoughts. None are better and worse than others except insofar as they help communicate what you're trying to communicate.

Only adults know that some words are 'bad.' And what does that even mean? Certainly not that they interfere with communication; nothing gets a point across more concisely than "asshole," and I've seen some very effective sentences using nothing but the word "fuck." What makes them 'bad' is that they are not acceptable in certain social arenas. You can use them with your friends, but maybe not your boss.

Doesn't it then follow that we should teach children when and how to use words, rather than trying to pretend some of them don't exist?

After all, it's not like they're not going to learn these things anyway. Kids are little savages, and they will pick this shit up like my all-black wardrobe picks up cat hair. They will experiment with their friends, and meanwhile, learn not to use these words around teachers and parents. Kids learn. It is pretty much the entire point of childhood. You can facilitate this or not but it happens, with or without you.

What is the point of trying to pretend it won't? Like if you don't say "Shit!" when you drop a knife on your foot, somehow this will save your child from... what?

Belief in Santa Claus and a just universe are worth preserving. Magic always is. The rest of this is nonsense.

Besides, kids create enough worries. Why would I add "uses a combination of letters to express self" to the list?

RECIPE: Chocolate Stout Cake, my go-to chocolate cake recipe when I'm after something with a few layers. Also means you can do a little of the ol' "one for me, one for the cake" business with the beer (for which I highly recommend Left Hand Milk Stout Nitro).