Right, That

They say there's no such thing as being a little bit pregnant. I think They have never counted the days going by with no sign of their period, wondering at what point it becomes meaningful, or if maybe it means nothing at all. Do you test if you're a day late? Of course not; you get later every month. A week? Is a week enough? Those tests cost upwards of $10 and if you are, then you are, so maybe just a little longer...

And then yes, there are two lines. But one is very faint. Does it count? You tried to hold it steady under your urine but it wasn't the first urine of the day, after all -- which shouldn't matter but that's supposed to be the best, and for all of this you want only to do your best. Or was that the test that said to dip the stick in a cup? But they didn't provide a cup. There are two lines, but one is very faint, but still the internet says that any sign of a second line is enough, it's a yes. Still, you take another test. It's another $10 but what the hell, you'll skip bagels for a few weeks, you can afford it. Except this one has no lines at all. Isn't one supposed to be the control? That's the point, right, if there's no control then the whole thing failed? Maybe because the first time was the first urine of the day, now that you think about it, but this one's not.

Still your period doesn't come. And you don't really feel like coffee anymore.

Finally you go to your doctor, who sends you for an ultrasound because she's not an OB after all and if there's something going on, which she seems to assume there is, she wants nothing to do with you anymore. Then there's a blob. Definitely a baby blob. 8-something weeks. But can you be sure, really sure, they didn't just have that saved from the last patient? After all, you've never been pregnant, so how could you be pregnant now?

You find another doctor. You get another ultrasound. Twelve-something weeks now. So you can tell people? Maybe? Do they need to know? How do you even go about it? Is it too soon? When does it get to be too late? At some point they'll notice on their own, right? That's soon enough. You still don't feel pregnant enough.

You're a little bit pregnant; a little bit more at every doctor's appointment. You're pregnant when you hear the heartbeat. You're pregnant when it's not an it, but a she. You're pregnant after the first trimester. You're pregnant when you feel her moving. You're pregnant when you can't fit into any of your jeans anymore. You're pregnant when you're past 24 weeks -- call it 27 to be on the safe side. You're pregnant when you get a seat on the subway. You're pregnant when you have to find a pediatrician.

"I'm pregnant," you say, testing it out.

"Congrats?" They seem unsure. "Can I say that? You were trying, right?" Your parents don't say this, but almost everyone else does. Despite the fact that you're 36, have been married for 4 years, know perfectly well how to use birth control, and live in a city where you can take the subway to get an abortion any time up to 24 weeks. You try modulating your tone of voice. You try it over text. Still the same unsure reaction. Your husband suggests saying "We're having a baby!" instead. But that seems to be getting ahead of ourselves. You stick to the facts. You are a little bit pregnant, a little more than the day before.

RECIPE: Naan, because it isn't hard at all and you can slather it with ghee and garlic.